At the risk of being repetitive, Week 4 started much as Week 3 ended – pretty tough going. For starters, it was hot, really hot. We felt better though on hearing that it wasn’t just us being soft, locals were finding it hot too. Apparently it has been a particularly sweltering October. Even just sitting still in a chair in front of a fan left us dripping and stifled.

Week 4 saw another beach visit, a dinner invitation, some first Mexican haircuts, an 8 person card game (Skyjo anyone?) a bit more building, an outdoor exercise session and two birthdays. We’re finding our way better round the town, the nearest big supermarket and the public transport.

The main theme of the week though was the growing need to find ourselves a home to rent. For a long time it seemed there weren’t really any options, particularly as we were hoping to find a place with three bedrooms and most local homes seem to have a maximum of two. Plus very few people advertise rentals via the internet, there aren’t any estate agents as far as we can fathom, and even available homes aren’t always marked in any obvious way. So it can be quite hard to know where to start!

Amazingly, soon after we started praying about it with increased fervour, possibilities started opening up. Matt was helping with a bit of building work one day when Pastor Santos invited us to go and take a look at an available house he knew of. It was more basic than we expected, but we still really liked it and had a good feeling about it. Two large rectangle rooms big enough to section off to create bedrooms, and a nice bit of private outdoor space. Then Matt met a Canadian lady in a shop and she too said she had a friend with a house to rent.

We mulled over the possibilities a lot. Maybe too much. The Canadian connection came to nothing, so it was just the basic house on the cards. Should we go ahead? Should we wait for something better? The more we thought about it, the more we felt anxiety and dread. Branching out on our own from the comfort and safety of Paul and Elaine’s lovely home felt frightening in itself. Plus…could we really live happily in a house with an outdoor bathroom, an outdoor kitchen and no glass in the windows? Could we really make our peace with cooking outside every single day? What if the kids hated it? And anyway, is it all for nothing? IS there really a place for us here in Leona, in all senses, or are we deluded to believe that? And so it went on. Somehow it felt as though our whole purpose in Mexico was in jeopardy; the whole idea of successfully settling here, opposed.

For a few days, we felt stuck in the dark under a heavy cloud. The weather seemed to get hotter and more oppressive still. We felt too helpless and ignorant to move forward, but recognised an increasing need to do exactly that. It felt horribly stressful. Unsurprisingly, it’s really hard being (technically) homeless with children, even if it’s entirely because of your own choices. We wandered aimlessly around the dirt tracks of the town in the heat with the kids, feeling vulnerable and praying hard for God to open up the way forward and show us our rightful Leona home. There were sleepless nights and free range fear. There was the kind of conversation that doesn’t finish. Hours might pass, but when one of you says “What about…?” you know exactly what they’re referring to, because you’re thinking about it constantly too.

Alongside all this, there was the opportunity to learn more about physical healing and to seek inner healing for ourselves too through some sessions led by UK visitors Paul and Carey Skelton. We so appreciated what felt like unusually close access to the presence of God. We learnt a lot and felt excitement stirring about getting more comfortable with using God’s gifts out in the community. We were encouraged by the stories we heard. It was simultaneously a privilege to be able to bring our big life troubles into God’s presence and find comfort and revelation, and a challenge to focus on that with so much other stuff going on too.

We asked God for an alternative to the first, basic house, to help us make a decision, and graciously he provided one. A chance conversation with our friend Diego in Puerto Morelos led to a viewing on a very different kind of house, this time an upstairs apartment. We hoped it would be a ‘no brainer’, a kind of ‘oh yes, this is the one!’ moment, but that wasn’t the case. It had the three bedrooms and inside bathroom we desired, but not a lot else and it was accessed via some very steep, very high concrete steps with no handrail that gave me the eebiejeebies as the boys stumbled up and down at their usual breakneck speed! If anything it made us realise that house number one actually had a lot more going for it than we’d realised. Still though we felt snared in indecision, disagreeing among ourselves, not knowing how to proceed. It’s hard knowing enough to know that you don’t know enough! And there was definitely something spiritual going on with the dark cloud feeling. So, once again, we asked our dispersed friends to pray.

In a matter of days it felt as though the internal storm passed. The cloud moved on, the fear subsided and watching it leave, it looked absurd and irrational. We realised that we’re not helpless after all, we do have options and so we decided to book some holiday accommodation to give ourselves a bit of a buffer. Unfortunately this is only available in Puerto Morelos rather than Leona. It’s not where we want to be and staying in tourist accommodation is definitely not the lifestyle we’re aiming for, but it was do-able in that moment and took the immediate pressure off.

Next, the weather changed. We woke up one morning and it was actually cold. Cold! As soon as the sun was properly up a measure of heat returned but cold mornings and evenings were a refreshing novelty. Finally, as we reconsidered the first house from a cloud-free perspective, we felt a peace and excitement about making it our own. It’s amazing how feelings can change.

To finish the week, we met the landlady from the first house and told her we wanted to rent it. There is still a bit of work to do in getting it ready, but she’s already done lots since our last visit. We’re sitting comfortably now between Hopeful and Confident that it will be finished within a few weeks and we can finally end this long transition phase and unpack some bags for good.

We can’t quite believe we’ve been in Mexico for a month! In some ways, so much has happened, and in others, not much at all. It has been up and down and often a struggle as we expected it would, but on the whole we’re really grateful to be moving in the right direction.

We’ll stop with the weekly updates now as it’s getting harder to keep track of the days, but we’ll still keep you posted regularly via the newsletter (sign up on the homepage if you haven’t already), and please do get in touch to ask us anything you’re particularly keen to know!

We’re ready now to finish with the arriving, and just be here. To stop being newcomers, and just get on with everyday living. At the moment we still feel a bit all over the place and unsettled, but we can see the road ahead more clearly now.

We’re ready to start calling this place home.