No, not marriage this time. Money, I’m talking about money.

Money is a strange phenomenon. It’s just coins and notes and numbers on screens in real life but our relationship with money as humans so affects us.

We’re talking a bit about money in our home at the moment, because we are about to step out of the traditional system of earn, spend, save, increase – and into a startlingly new financial way of life.

We are about to start walking on water, in a way. To leave the dry land of being self sufficient – earning, saving, having all the control – and to aim for a life of being funded entirely by the kindness of other people. It sounds impossible. What, don’t earn ANYTHING yourself? Expect your friends and family to give you all the money you need for life on an ongoing basis…really?! The Mexican embassy were a little incredulous. Yes, it is a bit bonkers. But as we step out and begin to get our feet wet, we aren’t sinking, not yet anyway. And we have learned some amazing things already.

We have learned that we are not the first to do this by any means. Others have paved the way – significant others. Our all time hero Jesus Christ lived off the support of his friends and family. He was a carpenter for a while, but once his ministry kicked off he didn’t have time for that any more and his friends – mostly his female friends – followed him and fed him and provided for him. Most of the time the apostle Paul was funded by financial gifts from friends and churches he had impacted too. And hundreds and thousands of others since then, working for charities and churches and all kinds of hubs for good things around the world are funded in the same way. We’re in good company. We have learned about the joy that can be shared between people who are connected by giving – that it is a special kind of partnership that brings genuine blessing to both. We have learned about the excitement of investing in some work you thoroughly believe in but can’t be present to carry out in person, and the delight of knowing your money made a difference. Thanks to these things, I for one have made my peace with living off God’s provision through other people’s kindness.

We have learned that ordinary people are incredibly generous and willing, even people who don’t have much or who are facing difficulties. They are stepping out in obedience and faith, forcing their hands open to give, when fear would instruct them to close down – it’s very humbling and moving and inspiring all at once. Holy pennies are coming our way.

And yet…there is some fear in me. Fear, I suppose – if I analyse it – of what others will think of us. It’s mostly around the matter of asking. In normal life I find it quite hard to ask for things that might put other people out, asking feels risky and vulnerable and a bit rude. I worry about being a nuisance, being thought badly of. I sometimes even inwardly quake when offering someone an invitation to an event I know they will enjoy, because it feels like I’m asking them to do me a favour by coming along. (Yes, issues.) Perhaps I’m afraid of angering or offending, afraid of irritating or provoking judgement. Is it the fear of rejection? Or simply the fear of what people will think of me as a result of the ask? It seems like dreadfully bad manners to ask people for things they MIGHT not want to give…but as we can’t know without enquiring, do good manners really require that we assume the worst and never ask for anything just in case?

So you can see why asking for money for our own personal use presses all my ‘run away and hide’ buttons. It feels so awkward. My objections don’t even make sense, because when people do say no as some must and we have a straightforward and honest conversation, it’s actually fine – it’s good. It’s encouraging, even – a relief that people don’t feel obliged, that they do realise ‘no’ is an option. Of course it’s an option, it’s their money. Even on one solitary occasion when someone WAS seemingly offended by the ask, it wasn’t the end of the world. But still the objections remain, and new ones appear daily. What if people are horrified that we have asked, or think we have made wrong assumptions about them or over-stepped the mark? What if they privately think we shouldn’t be asking, especially not US with our financial history (defensiveness, sit down, you’re rocking the boat). What if they think we don’t deserve an answer or don’t deserve to be given money, or that we’re not to be trusted? What if, what if, what if?

A wise man recently reminded us of what this is all about. Are you sure of the cause, of the reason you are asking for money? Of course. We are risking everything for the cause, the move, for the calling to the poor in Mexico, we are 100% committed to it. Do you believe God will give you all the money you need at the right time? Yes again, absolutely, no question about that. Zero doubt – our experience confirms it a thousand times over. If he calls us to something, he always, always supplies what is needed to make it happen.

So then if that is true, said the wise man, you are not victims. You are not victims, and you are not begging, just because you’re asking. We are not victims, and it follows that we shouldn’t think or speak as though we are. We are empowered by the ‘why’. We are simply inviting others to join with us, and all are free to accept or decline. There is no place here for fear, no need for that. It’s an invitation.

Oh yes. That makes sense. We did know that….just perhaps in my case, I hadn’t allowed that sure knowledge to percolate down into the psychology of my asking. To ask, then, is simply a practical mechanism to implement God’s provision. A catalyst, an ignition. It’s the first step in the unveiling of the plan. It’s a building block towards a bridge between us and others, a bridge over which good things will travel, ultimately, between brave sacrificial Brits and their poorer Mexican brothers.

So why am I finding it such a challenge to start building? To begin with I wrestled somewhat with whether it is morally right to ask people for money for your own use. If we really trust God as we claim to shouldn’t we just wait and pray until the money pops through the letter box/appears in the bank account? George Muller did it, with phenomenal results. I don’t doubt that he and other exceptional people with exceptional callings did the right thing. But for more ordinary cases, the answer I keep coming back to is this: Jesus said ask and you will receive.

Asking IS an acceptable way forward. Jesus said so. If it was morally wrong to ask, Jesus wouldn’t give the instruction. Asking IS ok (telling myself here) and often opportunities – good opportunities – don’t come until we step out in that vulnerability, until we put our pride on the line and take that risk. Ask and you will receive. Knock and the door will be opened to you. Seek and you will find. Feel the fear, and do it anyway!

We have received some really practical helpful advice on the subject of asking for money to live off (known as personal support raising) from a workbook called ‘Funding the family business’ by Myles Wilson. Be proactive, the book says. Do the legwork so your friends don’t have to, take the awkwardness upon yourself. Be clear and specific so that people know what you’re actually asking, instead of mumbling niceties that sound good but leave them wondering where they stand and what you really meant. It is releasing and humbling to put it into practice and see it work, to press through the cringe and get to the relief and affirmation of the other side. Well, so I’m told.

When you realise there is something you certainly and unavoidably need to do, but the very thought of it makes you inwardly squirm, you can be pretty sure growth is on its way. Yep, it’s time for me to grow up, for sure. To stop running away (literally at times) and leaving the matter in the hands of my courageous, diligent spouse and his spreadsheet. It’s time to steel my reserve, deal with my own awkwardness and look dear friends in the face as we step out in vulnerability together and ask for their help. Financial help, to be clear and specific, as well as all the usual love and prayer and interest that we so rely on from our friends in the everyday. What would we actually do without them.

So that leaves us here, at the end of this blog post with one remaining question, and this time it’s not rhetorical: if we haven’t already had this conversation with you, would YOU be willing to consider whether you could support us with a one-off or regular donation, or with your prayer and interest going forward? Would you like more information or regular updates on what we are up to so that you can join us on the journey? Please comment below if you do and we will get in touch. (Ok it’s a cop out, doing it in writing without any faces in front of me, but it’s a start!) Alternatively here is a link to sign up for regular monthly giving, or a one-off donation via give.net: https://www.give.net/20273755

Thank you so much for reading this far and for your consideration.

<pours large drink>