We left Scotland today, car laden, waving goodbye to familiar streets; almost exactly a decade after we first came. Then we’d arrived weary and strained from a crazy two month moving process with a loquacious three year old, an easygoing 3 month old and a modest truckload of belongings.

It’s curious, looking back, to note the things that inspired us, motivated us, attracted us and reassured us in those days, as well as the things that frightened us, repelled us and daunted us. We definitely wouldn’t put those things in the same columns now.

What a home it was! Scotland has been so, so good to us. We’ve roamed in her hills, been drenched by her rains, swum in her seas, floated on her rivers, scoffed her hearty victuals…and did I mention the rain?! Yeah…we’ve been cold and damp a lot. But we’ve been warmed a lot too – by the welcome and friendship of experience shared. We’ve sat drinking in sheep-dotted scenery time and time again, gratefully breathing the clean earth-scented air and feeling ourselves relax once again. We’ve been baffled by slang, odd cultural norms, ceilidhs with no instructions, random road signs and children’s books written in Scots. We’ve marvelled at buildings, historic sights, creative works and accent variations.

We have gained so many good things in our Scottish decade. Our children have grown and multiplied. Our third child, our only Scot by birth, we now actually get to take with us for ongoing life thanks in large part to Scotland’s medics. That’s a pretty massive plus. Beyond Ben, we’ve garnered the knowledge of beautiful places, some life-changing friendships, a wealth of experiences, a multitude of special memories. There has been a serious ton of good that has come from our 10 years on Scottish soil.

What’s interesting though, when thinking back and observing our own inner growth, is the realisation that the things that have probably done us the most good overall have actually been the bad things. Major themes of the decade were extreme extended financial hardship, multiple miscarriage, isolation, cultural alienation, church leadership struggles, work/life balance tensions, mid-life crisis…and all that before cancer or Covid kicked in.

Sometimes they lurked long, a slow drip of difficulty and strain that went on and on and on. Sometimes the deluge came all at once, deafening, disorientating and utterly submerging us. Trouble came in layers; this issue, plus that issue, plus this weakness, plus that unfortunate event…until we were crushed in a furnace of pressure, splitting open at all our cracks and exposing the lot to the core.

But, surprisingly, it didn’t destroy us. We’re still in one piece. In fact, it’s obvious to us now just how very necessary those refining periods really were. Without them, we’d never have changed as we should have. We were resistant, too stubbornly attached to old mental mechanisms that we sorely needed to shed. With the beauty of hindsight, we can see how the pressure at the worst of times pushed us into a holy disintegration. Old habits that were holding us back just slid away. They had to. We didn’t even see them leave, so utterly absorbed were we in simply surviving each day.

It’s really incredible to me to reflect that every one of those difficult elements of our lives – things that were daily, painful struggles for so long – have brought growth, change, freedom and ultimately joy. How did that happen?! We absolutely cannot take the credit. It’s definitely not because we’re good at this whole human life gig. It was God alone, in his wisdom and kindness that has turned the tables on what could have led only to horridness, destruction and loss. But in the Father’s hand, they were tools for our honing, and we are thoroughly the better for it all. It was hell, but it was healthy. It was painful, but productive. Anything, it seems, however horrid, can be turned into something useful, can produce something good. It’s such a relief, but it shouldn’t be a surprise. It’s just what he does.

‘For we know that in all things the Father works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his good purpose.’ Romans 8 v 28

So we’re leaving Scotland different people to the ones that first came. We’ve all matured, in our different ways. We know ourselves better, the good and the bad. We’ve got skills in our toolbox we didn’t have before. Successfully running a household when the closest supermarket is a 45 minute drive away? Can do. Striking up a chat with a heroine addict? No sweat. Whipping up a batch of homemade doughnuts? You betcha. Making friends with children very different to us? Already on it. And the ceilidh dancing? Well…no ok, not quite yet!

We go to Mexico less English than we once were. We are marked and changed by our ten Scottish years. I suspect we’ve left some indelible Edge imprints behind too!

So thank you Scotland, for everything. You will always have a special place in our hearts.