Another January emerges from the darkness of a Scottish winter morning. It’s our third January in Edinburgh. Somehow two and a half years have passed since we first came here on our detour!

We’re still here, and we’re still not going anywhere just yet, but happily not everything stays still just because we do. There are signs of growth and change.

Community Work

Matt continues in his job with the church, creating opportunities to connect with people in our local community in lots of different ways. Food provision to individual households has mostly stopped for the time being but a coffee morning drop-in continues, along with Soul Food, our weekly community meal, and plenty of other individual contacts. The aim of Soul Food is to create a place where real community happens – and it really does, with a growing crowd of regular locals. Our Soul Food Christmas dinner this year genuinely felt like an extended family meal. There was the most lovely atmosphere of fun, gratitude and togetherness, with every face at the table feeling loved, welcomed and special. 

This time last year Matt was pursuing acquiring a shop front on behalf of the church, a medium-sized space not big enough to have Sunday meetings in, but that we could definitely use as a community hub. After a year of pushing that door, it seemed it was well and truly closed. Now though, 18 months after the process began, it looks like that possibility might be back on the cards, and talks with the landlord will be in place this week. We as a church are beginning to dream of all the things we could do for the community with a little bit of our own space!

One thing that has been a joy for me (Cal) has been the privilege of joining Matt in his work now and then. It was always our plan to work together in ministry and it’s lovely that it has worked out that way. We’re currently doing an Alpha course together with a neighbour, and we have recently taken a new step forwards that is a bit of a blast from the past…we’re youth leaders again! It came as a surprise to us to find that we still had a heart for youth work after so long. Matt and I met helping run a youth group, and that first experience was about 20 years ago, so it’s a bit of a shock to look around and realise that this time round…we’re old! Still, an advantage of age is experience, and we draw heavily from our past every single time we meet the youth. There is quite a list of youth ministries we’ve been part of over the years and we’re immensely grateful for all they taught us – the colourful memories, varied activities, wide repertoire of crazy games, and even the scars!

Another challenge is that this time, we’re not only old, but we’re parents too. Any minimal street cred we used to rely on has now evaporated for good under that title, especially when it comes to our own almost-teen, who is obliged to be led by her uncool parents in the presence of her peers with nothing more than a well rehearsed eye roll for defence, poor lamb! Happily, we are not alone. Just at the right time God sent along three wonderful young Americans to join the team, and a fantastic pair of local twins who have grown up through our church family are also a huge help. Since we relaunched in October our small band of shy, girl dominated young people have begun to relax and get to know each other bit by bit and reveal their true colours. Underneath, they are bonkers, hilarious, and we love them already!

We continue to be impressed, moved, challenged and humbled by the wonderful folk in our church, Oxgangs Community Church, as we get to know them more. We are surrounded by generous givers, very hard workers, dedicated visionaries, soft-hearted listeners, passionate prayer warriors, practical ‘ready to lend a hand’ servers and sensational cooks. We are so grateful to God for our OCC family!

Learning

There has been lots to learn as we move on whilst staying still. Beth is totally rocking high school, doing well all round, and we’ve been pleased to see that the added independence and responsibility has improved home relations considerably too. She is calmer, happier, and so much nicer to be around these days! We’re really proud of her.

Joe is doing well at school but still prefers to be outside playing football (or Quidditch…seriously! Only in Edinburgh?). He suffered a blow recently when his beloved Edinburgh South football club announced that it was changing game days from Saturday mornings to Sunday mornings, right over the same time as church. We broke it to him gently that the two weren’t compatible and that church was our family priority, and he took it well and started to pray for a resolution. A few days later we found out that his school was starting up a football team for his year group that would play on Saturday mornings only, and he had his first training session today. Phew and thank you Lord!

I finally finished an online TEFL course last year to allow me to be a foreign language English teacher, only to find that I didn’t feel as well equipped on completing the course as I hoped I would. I had intended to teach online, but I soon found I was a whole lot less interested in doing anything online after months of enforced Zoom use through lockdowns. The TEFL course was a helpful foundation but there was a lot of clicking through web pages and no live contact with other people. I intend to build on it this year by getting some face to face tuition and teaching practice with an in-person CELTA course in June this year. I also discovered Edinburgh Council’s Adult Education programme last term and took a very reasonably priced guitar course, which was fun. I’m signed up for a Spanish course this coming term. Perfecto!

I’ve recently travelled another steep learning curve since October with my job in the Welcome Centre – which provides emergency accommodation for homeless people who would otherwise be sleeping rough. When people ask me if I like my new job I’m never quite sure what to say, as frankly I have rather mixed feelings.

The truth is, while I love some things about it, I have also encountered many things that I hate. It’s an unfamiliar world to me, this dark side of Edinburgh. It was an unpleasant shock to find so much brutality, injustice and cruelty festering in the cracks of this beautiful, historic city. Poverty and disadvantage dwell unnoticed, side by side with wealth and privilege. I hate the frustration and despair of seeing people make choices that will increase their own suffering, over and over again. I hate the violence, the ever present grime, the sickly smell of cannibis, the sight of damaged veins, used needles and crazily dilated pupils. I hate the blasé acceptance of awful horrors that have simply become everyday life for our guests. I hate my own prejudice, ignorance and especially my own fear.

But I LOVE being in position to make a difference – to offer compassion, kindness and practical help to people in real need. I love how powerful simple acts of hospitality can be. I love making people hot drinks when they turn up at the door! It has become my favourite tool in showing care to people in crisis. It’s small and momentary, but offering a hot drink genuinely makes a real difference and changes the dynamic. People soften, brighten, halt the tirade. It’s practical, it’s easy and it’s one very tangible way of putting love into action that translates well across the chasm of differences between us. Oh, how do I like my tea? People are pleasantly surprised to be asked. It’s my turn to be surprised when they answer though – milk and FIVE sugars?!! Hurrah for tea, and bowls of sugar. What a privilege to be able to go even further and offer a rough sleeper a clean, fresh, private bedroom with an ensuite bathroom. I have witnessed the sight of a TV bring grown men to tears. What a delight to be able to add to our welcome chat that hot meals are served every night by willing volunteers from local churches – often another pleasant surprise to our guests. It gives me real joy to know people in crisis can get a literal taste of the kingdom of God, served up with a loving smile.

I was nervous at first that I’d have nothing to offer, being such a newbie in this strange world, but I soon discovered that 12 years of being a housewife didn’t actually leave me useless. Plenty of people out there need a bit of mothering, it turns out. Plus, considering my hope that going out to work would mean emancipation from domestic drudgery at last, I had to laugh when the first time I felt really useful at work was a night where I was cleaning bathrooms! By comparison, I even enjoy cleaning ours at home much more than I used to, as it’s generally only used by a small handful of healthy people who are broadly au fait with toilet etiquette, and the risk of finding needles or drugs stashed under the toilet bowl are relatively slim. Bonus!

“You need warming up, baby?”

My favourite line from a guest so far, just because it made me laugh, being a somewhat inappropriate way to address a staff member. It was spoken leeringly, lecherously, by a rough looking, ill mannered man in his 30s (we’ll call him Billy) as I stood outside the main door on duty. Billy had just shoved his hot drink at me roughly and commanded me to hold it for him as he lit his cigarette. I acquiesced on the basis that it would at least warm my hands up, at which he leaned in to deliver his kind offer above. Honestly, I was a bit scared of him.

Billy had a reputation for being willing to stab people for fun. He had a temper and became aggressive very quickly. He didn’t seem able or willing to engage in ordinary conversation without getting angry about something, being very crude, or issuing a threat. There was an unsettling, unpredictable air about him, and the stories from other guests about those he had ruthlessly attacked didn’t do much to dispel it. He didn’t stay long.

A few months later, a colleague told us that a guest who had recently been in a Christian rehab centre wanted to join us for our nightly team prayer time. A polite and grateful man shuffled in and took a seat with the staff in our office area. There was a humble, settled air about him. He prayed a stumbling but heartfelt prayer about the huge darkness he had recognised within his heart, and how God was breaking through that to bring him light and peace. It was Billy!

It was a massive encouragement to see such a change in him. Even the Police who brought him to our door commented on the transformation, having known him for years. It was also a major challenge to me not to write anyone off or judge that they are beyond the hope of positive change. Change IS possible, and in my experience, it so often follows an encounter with the light-bringing God.

Ben’s treatment

Ben is now into his final year of chemotherapy, and man, it feels like a marathon! Three and a bit years of treatment is a long time, but we are encouraged that at least the end is now in sight. Ben will finish his treatment in November, when finally the risk of carrying on taking toxic medicine outweighs the risk of stopping it, and as far as we’re concerned, that day can’t come a moment too soon! It’s increasingly obvious that the long years of treatment have taken their toll on his little body now, with his regular drugs having a bigger impact on him each month. It takes weeks for him to shake a cough or heal from a minor injury.

We’re seeing a bit less of Ben bounding up all the stairs singing and shouting like he usually does, and a bit more of him lying on the sofa sucking his thumb and saying his tummy hurts. He also seems to be picking up bugs more easily now (including Covid as a special Christmas treat), which means more sepsis scares and more hospital visits – three and counting since October. When we report all this to the doctors they give a resigned sigh. It seems it’s all to be expected. ‘Final year,’ they say, with a shrug and a rueful nod. Roll on November, when we are going to PARTY!

Looking ahead

Another reason to look forward to November is that Matt and I have taken a drastic step and booked some flights to Mexico. To the children’s immense disapproval, we’re taking to the skies without them. We have been thinking for a while about visiting again to explore whether it is still to be our future home, as the desire to move there (or somewhere outside the UK) has definitely not left us, and after about 6 years of talking about it, we feel if we don’t act on this at some point soon we’ll regret it forever. As there was a convenient January sale on flights, we took the plunge. We have never left the country without the children before, and we’ve never left them at all for such a long stretch (nearly 10 days altogether), so it’s quite a big deal for all of us.

It was funny how rolling into 2022 changed our perspective on our future. We have known for a long time now that we couldn’t consider leaving the UK until Ben has had a chance to recover fully from the chemo and has been re-immunised with all the standard childhood vaccinations. Only after that is he safe to travel internationally. We estimate that this will happen around June 2023, which always seemed unfeasibly far off up to now, but suddenly – it’s next year! It feels much more imminent, and as though we really ought to get on and make a final decision soon so we can start getting ready if a transatlantic move is indeed on the cards. Which is exciting, but also a bit scary!

So, we’re back in that place of still trying to live fully engaged in where we are now, but also lifting one eye to the horizon too. Beginning to wonder again, making the beginnings of plans. Letting ourselves dream. We’re still grounded and stationary for now, but it feels like the engines could growl into life at any minute. We’re staying still, but things are moving on!